Breaking up is hard to do

I have a rocky relationship with G.'s physical therapist, Ms. Ego. I am beginning to suspect that parting ways might be the smartest thing for all of us, but I am still not sure. As with most breakups, there are very mixed feelings on my part. He has made some wonderful progress since he began seeing her, but I am not sure I can attribute it all to her. He has begun to crawl and take a few independent steps, but he also pretty much hates the sight of her. I want to believe that's because she makes him work, but he is all smiles for his other therapists--who make him work just as hard.

There are also the philosophical differences, which seem to be widening each day. She has expressed misgivings about doctors in general, a notion that doesn't sit well with me, a doctor's daughter. She has indicated that she believes G's neuro is not going a good job with him. I emphatically disagree with this and so does my husband. In fact, our neuro (whom I will call Dr. Dashing) is highly regarded by everybody. I know, I have asked doctor after doctor which neuro they would recommend and Dr. Dashing comes up every time.

Things came to a head a few weeks ago when she sent me an email telling me that perhaps we should take a break during the month of July. Her reasons were as follows: G did not wear his shoes often enough, we were more inclined to listen to EI and that I was confused about the advice we had gotten from various doctors. Virtually every word in the email came as a complete surprise to me. Because we are dealing with an English barrier along with everything else, I called her, sure that she didn't mean exactly what she had written.

Well, she did mean it all and she was not shy about reiterating it all over the phone. In fact, she added more and more things about me that bothered her. I was overly negative, G. cried during therapy because of me, he would be walking now if only I made him wear his orthotics more often, I am just not as encouraging as I could be--the litany went on and on. It was eerily reminiscent of my meetings with Dr. Autism, Foremost Expert on Everything.

I got pretty hot under the collar during all of this, and I think she was pretty surprised that I defended myself as strenuously as I did. Perhaps she thought that a mother who once cried during a PT session wasn't made of much. Actually, I surprised myself since I had been such a shrinking violet with Dr. Autism. In the end, I told her exactly where she had me wrong and thought that G shouldn't be punished for a misunderstanding between his mama and his PT. We agreed to move forward and leave his schedule as it is now.

By the time I got off the phone, I was livid and frankly sorry that I had not said some things that were on the tip of my tongue. We are paying you over $100/hr for you to insult us and make us feel like we are lucky for you to keep us on as clients? We work very hard on home therapy and it was pretty insulting to be told that we could not follow directions. Not only that, but I cannot and will not stroke your ego every time you feel that Early Intervention is getting the upper hand. Your insecurities are not my problem, and they certainly are not my son's. In the interest of civility, however, these comments all remained unsaid.

My sweet F volunteered to do PT with G the next week. I thought I could be civil or perhaps even friendly, but the anger rising in me as we opened the door assured me that leaving was the safer option. At the end of the session, she gave me the usual gloom and doom forecast, to which I responded with the most impartial "Um...Hmmm..." I could manage. I was ready to just forget about it and move on when she delivered her parting shot. The next patient had come in, a baby with torticollis and the corresponding helmet. She picks him up and as she takes him into the therapy room she calls over her shoulder to me, "This little guy is making so much progress...and he NEVER cries during therapy."

This week's rumble was over whether or not G needs to see a physical medicine specialist and who should determine that. She told me a story of a little guy (just like G!) who was having trouble crawling and pulling up. The parents listened to her (unlike us) and took him to a physical medicine guy. Turns out he has a connective tissue disease and cannot do much PT without doing harm to his joints. I made my face as impassive as possible and said, "Did he have Ehlers-Danlos? We have tested for that with the neuro." She expressed surprise that I knew the name of the disease but said her main point was to say that without a physiatrist, you will not get the right diagnosis. I reminded her that G has had a pretty full genetic workup. Most of the big guns are off the table. She once again gave her opinion of Dr. Dashing. Another impasse...

Don't get me wrong here. I want to do what's best for G and I don't have any particular problem with him seeing another kind of specialist. I do have a problem with her telling me that seeing a developmental pediatrician was "stupid" and that I am hurting G by not getting him to see a certain doctor with whom she seems to be in cahoots.

Boy, this post has certainly turned into a bitch session. I just wish I knew what to do in this situation. I think that Ms. Ego is a great therapist, but she may not be the right one for our family. It is just so hard to know which way to turn.