Hello from rock bottom...

As you can tell by the oh-so-chipper title, things are not going so well around here. G. has not been pointing for the past several weeks. Not pointing is the sine qua non of red flags, so I am beside myself. I keep asking him totally inane questions like, "Where are the bananas? Show Mama the bananas!" and I keep getting the same response--a look at the bananas, but nothing else. When I think about where he was a few months ago, it's pretty frightening.

When he pointed on time and with relish, I was thrilled. I thought that it was the big sign I needed that he was going to be okay, if a late walker. Everyone assured me that when kids pointed, they did okay. Now it turns out that pointing certainly can be lost along with other skills. This is quite cruel, since it allows you to get your hopes up so high.

I hate being so negative, since I know he can sense how I am feeling. He sucks up my fear like a little sponge, which cannot be good for him. Perhaps he is just working on all his other new skills--crawling, cruising and hi-fives--and will come back to pointing soon. It just doesn't seem like the kind of thing you drop though.

So, do you still think I am crazy?

I had a good PT session today with G. and our EI therapist. He pretty much did what he was supposed to do, although he grumbled through almost everything. His whining while crawling up the stairs was particularly impressive. She brought over a laminated book that EI had made of our trips with the BB program. No matter how many times she tried, he was unable to identify me as his mama. He got Papa right, of course.

I am getting this rather unnerving feeling though that EI is becoming more concerned as I become more calm about his development. The PT mentioned transitioning to the school system for help when G. turns three and what that entails. I kind of half-listened at first, since he is just over a year old and we may not even be living here when he is three.

Then it hit me--she thinks he'll need therapy on a more long-term basis. I questioned her about it, and she said it was just so hard to tell at this age how long of a proposition therapy was likely to be. She mentioned that kids with gross motor issues often have problems later with writing or reading. Great...

I also brought up the subject of asd/Asperger's once again. In the past, I have been dismissed with statements about how social he is, how verbal he is and how he is doing well in every other area except gross motor. Today she just was not as reassuring and it made me worry. She also mentioned wanting to see the dev. ped.'s report, to see what she thought. Maybe she is just tired of me wanting so much assurance that he is okay. Maybe she just wishes that I would shut up and could barely get the professional courtesy together to answer my questions for the umpteenth time. If she has serious concerns, I just want her to tell me.

I want G. to be totally "normal," whatever that is, but if we end up with a diagnosis of some sort, I want to get him any help he needs. And I want that help to start as soon as possible.

Who's your Mama?

I have been feeling soooo much better about G.'s development lately, but there are still things that worry me. My biggest concern is one that strikes right to my heart--G.'s rare use of my name. At this age, M. was annoying with her constant "Mama, Mama!" She would call me to her room to get her out of the crib, she would call me to look at her when she had done something good (or spectacularly naughty) or just when she wanted a hug.

G. is thrilled when his Papa comes home--he is treated like a rock star with a massive display of bouncing and yelling. G. says "Papa" several times a day under different circumstances. He also has his own version of M.'s name, which is rather long for a 14 month old. Heck, it's long for M. herself. He will ask for her occasionally.

G. is certainly happy to see me, but still doesn't break out my name when I appear. Worse, he frequently calls me Papa. I can't understand why this would persist and it worries me. Does he not know my name? He can say strawberry and bleuet, but not mama?

I was playing with him yesterday, trying to get him to get him to touch my nose and then M.'s nose. He kept going for her nose, not distinguishing between the two names. I stopped because it really got me upset.

I have no idea of the significance of this issue. I have heard that babies later diagnosed with Asperger's tend to use people's names later than other words. But he does name his father and sister. I have no idea what this all means, but it makes my heart hang heavy with worry.

Makes me wanna buy a pegboard...

G. had his latest assessment by the dev. ped. yesterday. It went pretty well--he chatted up a storm, was able to ID four pictures on her flash cards and managed to put a circle into the world's easiest puzzle.

We did hit a snag when it came to the peg board. He pulled one peg out of the hole just fine. He ran his fingers over the holes. He got soooo close to putting a peg into the hole, which would have been a big developmental triumph. I mean, like gifted or something. We were there with those pegs for what must have been 15 minutes out of a one hour appointment.

The whole thing was like watching golf, or even bowling. Why does every spectator--especially those of the male persuasion--think that body movement will aid the ball in reaching the hole? I used to love watching pro-bowling as a child (give me a break, it was Indiana and we had no cable) and it never ceased to amuse me how the professionals would contort themselves while watching the ball careen toward the pins. The doc and I were leaning from side to side, trying to mentally get that peg into the hole. When that didn't work, we resorted to pantomiming with our hands. Every time he didn't quite get it, we would groan. How sad is that?

It was even sadder that in my zeal to demo the proper use of the pegboard, I pushed one in a little too hard. G. couldn't get it out, M. couldn't get it out and neither could I. When we left, the doctor was energetically pulling on the peg, muttering to herself. Hope we don't get billed for that.

The upshot of the appointment was that he is definitely delayed in gross motor but perhaps not as much as before. He has good fine motor skills but was on the lower end of normal for visual-motor skills. Tell me doc, was it the pegs? Give him another chance!!! I was thrilled with his verbal/social results. No final report yet, but she placed him at 18 months. That is great since he is 14 months in a few days. Go Big G.! She was a little cagey about what she called a "skill imbalance", but that may have just been in my head. Of course, M. was talking in complete sentences at 16 months (in both French and English) but was unable to walk. That sounds like unbalanced skills to me...

The dev. ped. did admit that as soon as she saw him, the words "overgrowth syndrome" crossed her mind. How could they not? He is pretty darn big. One mom on the playground actually exclaimed "Holy Mother!" when I gave his age. The last time I went to the neuro's office, the doc greeted me with "Oh, I didn't know you had a third child. Where is G?" I said, "This is G!" He must have added 4 inches in height since the developmental ped. last saw him. So, he is kinda big. But she said he doesn't seem to fit the phenotype of any of the overgrowth syndromes as of yet and he is not delayed in the usual areas. She thinks he is just going to be a big guy.

Well, I think all of this giddiness about his speech has made my writing a little more run-on than usual. But hey, the doc said the A-word was off the table as far as she was concerned. I think that's cause for giddiness and a few run-ons, don't you?

So, your four years at school taught you nothing?

I am ashamed to admit that the following opinion was expressed by a woman who graduated from my alma mater in our alumni magazine:

JPandS states that the alarming increase in reported rates of autism and other neurological disorders in children not only stopped, but actually dropped sharply--by as much as 35 percent.

I worked hard to get into that school and I worked hard while I was there. It scares me that people like this person are walking around with the same degree I have.

I also was not impressed with my university's reply. The doctor they quoted did a good job of discussing the differences between ethyl and methyl mercury, but there was no mention of the blatant falsehood about decreasing numbers.

I have never contacted my alumni mag, but this has made me mad enough to start.